No electric AGAIN! Memories?

Just last week my house have no electric for 6 hours right on the raya day at 9pm til 3am now 2 days ago it is gone again. When is the next time the will be black out again? Next week? So hot la... But it bring back the memory from few years back.

Few months before i enter university, my house got no electric for a day. It was so hard especially when wan to sleep. Sleep on the floor was the best option and even so, i could only sleep for few hours. It was a bad experience but it became one of my sweet memory since i still remember it.

I hope i will make more memories no matter good or bad. Eventhough some of the memories was painful at that moment, when the moment have pasted, it will become a sweet memory. There are a lot more memories like this which some i can share and some i can't.

Now only I know

Everyone have their own secret, and they all try very hard to hide it. Some of them able to hide it perfectly thinking that no one will ever know but sometimes  no matter how hard we try, it will come out. Sometimes they make joke about it as if it is just a lie so that no one will ever think that it is true. From what people say, I did have doubt about someone but I would never have expected it to be true. Now I know why sometimes you thought I were abnormal eventhough I know I am normal. I know you always have doubt about me. 

Now I know that you were hoping that I am in the same situation as you. You thought I have the same problem like you. You thought that i were hiding the truth just like you are but sorry to burst your bubble, but I am normal and do not have the same problem as you. Eventhough I’m not sure when did all this start, but I know that it is true and I’m not sure how many people know about it. Looking on your situation, now I can understand all the sudden change in you. I know you don’t want people to know about your ‘small’ secret so don’t worry I will not tell anyone and i might pretend in front of you as if i don't know anything. 

Misunderstanding

Why is it so easy for people to misunderstand whatever we do? Whenever we try to enjoy and be friendly, people will think different things about it. They will think that we are up to something. Can't they just take it as it is? Can't they just believe that we do something simply because we like to do it not because we plotting something behind it? Sometimes life can really be confusing and complicated. Even the simplest thing can be made complicated in the eyes of people. I wonder will there be a time where this things won't happen.

Special days

Everyday suppose to be a special and unique. Life will be boring if everyday are the same. That’s why sometimes even trial and hardship in life can come in handy to make us go through something that is different and it also make happy things even better. Can u imagine yourself going through life where everyday you do the same thing all over again? No matter studying or working, sometimes we will get bored doing the same routine life where we will go class or work at a scheduled time. 

For me, I realized the boringness of this working life when I we doing practical where my time is fully scheduled for the weekdays. Using the bus in Kuala Lumpur during practical did not help to release my boredom because I had to wake up at 5.30am for 8.30am work and reach home only at 9pm. Once in awhile we should do something extra ordinary so that we all will remember it. Memories are extremely important especially with someone we are close to. 

One of the special memories that I just gained is when I went to Rancang Waterfall with my friends few days ago. It is very important and special because the time for us to be together is limited while we are still in unimas. How I wish that everyday would be special like that.. Of course if we go Rancang Waterfall everyday we will get bored. It is just an hope that we would be able to enjoy ourself like that everyday like that day. I just can’t wait to go for another trip with friends like it.

Nobody is perfect

I have a very simple believe which is that nobody is perfect. For me, perfection can be split into 5 categories which are attitude, wealth, health, relationship and also physical appearance. Relationship category includes close relation with us such as family and friends. I don’t believe that there is anyone who is perfect in all this categories because perfection in one of the categories may lead to imperfection in another category. For example, having too much wealth can lead to attitude problem or relationship problem. Sometimes, even imperfection in one of the categories may lead to extra imperfection in another such as attitude problem may lead to relationship problem. We can control some of the categories to be perfect but we could not control some of it. This is why it is impossible to be perfect. 

I am who i am

I am who I am and I can’t change it.. I could not change myself even if try to. I did try to change myself before because I know my own weakness but I could not make it last long cause I could not bear it.. Even if I succeed to change myself, sooner or later, the real me will just come out because it is not me. Someday you might find this thing out that but it is not now for sure and I hope it is not too late at that time. 

For now, I could only try not to go overboard and control myself but still sometimes, somehow I will accidently do or say what I should not and this hurts your feelings and I’m sorry about that. I just act as if I didn’t notice it when I hurt your feeling but actually I do. It is so obvious that you still keep in your heart what I did before because I noticed that your attitude towards me is different compare to last time. Couldn’t you forgive me sometimes? And sometimes i irritate you when i care too much about you. I know this thing also but it is who i am and I could not pretend as if i don't care when i know something is wrong.

I know I got a lot of weaknesses and who doesn’t have 1? I know I’m not a sweet talker, so I could not sweet talk you to forgive me. So, I could only leave hope to the time to heal the wound eventhough I know it is not the right way it suppose to be. I want to keep quiet until you cool down yourself because I am afraid that I would make things even worst by saying something that I should not. But sometimes leaving it just like that is what makes things even worst.

It returns..

I thought my life was just going along well until something happen recently. Something has come back hunting me again from my past. The thing has come back again after it has hibernated for a long time. I thought I have forgotten about it and it would not be a matter for me anymore. But I just realize that I still haven’t really forgotten about it. Why do I still remember it? I thought it was over and the case is closed.  

So have I been lying to myself all this time when I thought it is no longer a matter? If I were not lying to myself, then why does that small thing affect me so much? It shouldn’t have caused me affected me so much if I really have forgotten about it since I know it is nothing and the issue is just a small thing. So it looks like I were really were lying to myself all along. Maybe I might be able to forget it fully some day, but today is just not that day. How I wish it will be very soon so that the pain and agony will just go away.