No electric AGAIN! Memories?

Just last week my house have no electric for 6 hours right on the raya day at 9pm til 3am now 2 days ago it is gone again. When is the next time the will be black out again? Next week? So hot la... But it bring back the memory from few years back.

Few months before i enter university, my house got no electric for a day. It was so hard especially when wan to sleep. Sleep on the floor was the best option and even so, i could only sleep for few hours. It was a bad experience but it became one of my sweet memory since i still remember it.

I hope i will make more memories no matter good or bad. Eventhough some of the memories was painful at that moment, when the moment have pasted, it will become a sweet memory. There are a lot more memories like this which some i can share and some i can't.

Now only I know

Everyone have their own secret, and they all try very hard to hide it. Some of them able to hide it perfectly thinking that no one will ever know but sometimes  no matter how hard we try, it will come out. Sometimes they make joke about it as if it is just a lie so that no one will ever think that it is true. From what people say, I did have doubt about someone but I would never have expected it to be true. Now I know why sometimes you thought I were abnormal eventhough I know I am normal. I know you always have doubt about me. 

Now I know that you were hoping that I am in the same situation as you. You thought I have the same problem like you. You thought that i were hiding the truth just like you are but sorry to burst your bubble, but I am normal and do not have the same problem as you. Eventhough I’m not sure when did all this start, but I know that it is true and I’m not sure how many people know about it. Looking on your situation, now I can understand all the sudden change in you. I know you don’t want people to know about your ‘small’ secret so don’t worry I will not tell anyone and i might pretend in front of you as if i don't know anything. 

Misunderstanding

Why is it so easy for people to misunderstand whatever we do? Whenever we try to enjoy and be friendly, people will think different things about it. They will think that we are up to something. Can't they just take it as it is? Can't they just believe that we do something simply because we like to do it not because we plotting something behind it? Sometimes life can really be confusing and complicated. Even the simplest thing can be made complicated in the eyes of people. I wonder will there be a time where this things won't happen.

Special days

Everyday suppose to be a special and unique. Life will be boring if everyday are the same. That’s why sometimes even trial and hardship in life can come in handy to make us go through something that is different and it also make happy things even better. Can u imagine yourself going through life where everyday you do the same thing all over again? No matter studying or working, sometimes we will get bored doing the same routine life where we will go class or work at a scheduled time. 

For me, I realized the boringness of this working life when I we doing practical where my time is fully scheduled for the weekdays. Using the bus in Kuala Lumpur during practical did not help to release my boredom because I had to wake up at 5.30am for 8.30am work and reach home only at 9pm. Once in awhile we should do something extra ordinary so that we all will remember it. Memories are extremely important especially with someone we are close to. 

One of the special memories that I just gained is when I went to Rancang Waterfall with my friends few days ago. It is very important and special because the time for us to be together is limited while we are still in unimas. How I wish that everyday would be special like that.. Of course if we go Rancang Waterfall everyday we will get bored. It is just an hope that we would be able to enjoy ourself like that everyday like that day. I just can’t wait to go for another trip with friends like it.

Nobody is perfect

I have a very simple believe which is that nobody is perfect. For me, perfection can be split into 5 categories which are attitude, wealth, health, relationship and also physical appearance. Relationship category includes close relation with us such as family and friends. I don’t believe that there is anyone who is perfect in all this categories because perfection in one of the categories may lead to imperfection in another category. For example, having too much wealth can lead to attitude problem or relationship problem. Sometimes, even imperfection in one of the categories may lead to extra imperfection in another such as attitude problem may lead to relationship problem. We can control some of the categories to be perfect but we could not control some of it. This is why it is impossible to be perfect. 

I am who i am

I am who I am and I can’t change it.. I could not change myself even if try to. I did try to change myself before because I know my own weakness but I could not make it last long cause I could not bear it.. Even if I succeed to change myself, sooner or later, the real me will just come out because it is not me. Someday you might find this thing out that but it is not now for sure and I hope it is not too late at that time. 

For now, I could only try not to go overboard and control myself but still sometimes, somehow I will accidently do or say what I should not and this hurts your feelings and I’m sorry about that. I just act as if I didn’t notice it when I hurt your feeling but actually I do. It is so obvious that you still keep in your heart what I did before because I noticed that your attitude towards me is different compare to last time. Couldn’t you forgive me sometimes? And sometimes i irritate you when i care too much about you. I know this thing also but it is who i am and I could not pretend as if i don't care when i know something is wrong.

I know I got a lot of weaknesses and who doesn’t have 1? I know I’m not a sweet talker, so I could not sweet talk you to forgive me. So, I could only leave hope to the time to heal the wound eventhough I know it is not the right way it suppose to be. I want to keep quiet until you cool down yourself because I am afraid that I would make things even worst by saying something that I should not. But sometimes leaving it just like that is what makes things even worst.

It returns..

I thought my life was just going along well until something happen recently. Something has come back hunting me again from my past. The thing has come back again after it has hibernated for a long time. I thought I have forgotten about it and it would not be a matter for me anymore. But I just realize that I still haven’t really forgotten about it. Why do I still remember it? I thought it was over and the case is closed.  

So have I been lying to myself all this time when I thought it is no longer a matter? If I were not lying to myself, then why does that small thing affect me so much? It shouldn’t have caused me affected me so much if I really have forgotten about it since I know it is nothing and the issue is just a small thing. So it looks like I were really were lying to myself all along. Maybe I might be able to forget it fully some day, but today is just not that day. How I wish it will be very soon so that the pain and agony will just go away.  

Why..?

An angel appeared before me one day,

It opened a door of hope eventhough I  did not pray.

It let me see the happiness that can be gained at the other side,

But it would not let me pass through the door of light.

The door is closing slowly as time passes by,

Until I could not even see the other side with all my might.

I want to know what have I done to deserve this suffering and pain, 

is there any other way for me to go the other side again?

Thank you very much

Thank you very much for sharing, sharing about me to everyone else, for telling my secrets to everyone else.  I trusted you by telling my secret to you but you didn’t have respect for what I have told you and you tell everyone else about it. You should know that the people you tell about me are also my friends. 

They will tell me or ask me about what you told them. Of course they will since they all are curious to know whether it is true or not and also to know more about it. Even if not, they will tell someone else and that person will come to me. This is what they call chain link. Even if they did not say that you were the one that tell them, I can narrow it down to a very few who could have told because not many people know about me. 

I’m not sure whether you are the one who told to all the people or not but I know for sure that you are the one who told few of them. I know you have been telling people about me for a long time now but I act as if I didn’t notice. Now i'm even hearing some rumors about me which are not true. I'm not sure whether is that you who spread it or someone else but i will find out about it soon enough.

If I want to, I could tell everyone else about you, since you also have shared with me about your secrets. But I would not do that because I’m not like you and don’t want to be like you. But thanks for letting me know that I could not trust you with any of my secrets. Don’t worry, I would not hold grudge against you, because I know we all are humans and we all have some weaknesses but I know that you can never be trusted with secrets.

Lies...

Some people thinks that it is better to lie rather than telling the truth and hurt people’s feeling but sometimes, it’s not as good as they think. I know sometimes truth hurts, but when we have figured it out that what they were telling was a lie, the disappointment is just unbearable. I have been in so many situations where I have been lied to. 

They think they can get away with the lies. They think they can hide the truth from me but they do not know that there are so many prove of the actual thing. If only they told me truth, I would have understood their situation. They think I would not understand and that is what made me disappointed. For such a long time they know me, they still don’t know me. When they lie to me, it shows that they don’t know and don’t believe me. 

Eventhough I know the truth, I would just pretend as if I don’t know anything and listen to them lying. They think they can get away with the lies but no matter how hard you try to hide the truth, I will find out eventually. So just tell me the truth. For those who think that this is about them, it might be you or it could be someone else. 

Guys and girls are really different

Guys and girls are really different in their behavior and thinking. Guys will find it is hard to understand girls and maybe girls will find it is hard to understand guys but I’m not sure la.. But I know for sure that guys will find it is hard that’s why there is a saying that ‘only a girl can understand a girl’. 

There is a theory where it says that man and woman are different because of the way they live last time. The men will go hunting and woman stay at home caring for their children and collecting food. I have read before in a book where it says that guys are from Mars and girls are from Venus. They also give few examples and i guess it is true. 

Eventhough we are different, we still have to co-exist together because we could not live without each other. Of course we can but what kind of live would it be?