No electric AGAIN! Memories?

Just last week my house have no electric for 6 hours right on the raya day at 9pm til 3am now 2 days ago it is gone again. When is the next time the will be black out again? Next week? So hot la... But it bring back the memory from few years back.

Few months before i enter university, my house got no electric for a day. It was so hard especially when wan to sleep. Sleep on the floor was the best option and even so, i could only sleep for few hours. It was a bad experience but it became one of my sweet memory since i still remember it.

I hope i will make more memories no matter good or bad. Eventhough some of the memories was painful at that moment, when the moment have pasted, it will become a sweet memory. There are a lot more memories like this which some i can share and some i can't.

Now only I know

Everyone have their own secret, and they all try very hard to hide it. Some of them able to hide it perfectly thinking that no one will ever know but sometimes  no matter how hard we try, it will come out. Sometimes they make joke about it as if it is just a lie so that no one will ever think that it is true. From what people say, I did have doubt about someone but I would never have expected it to be true. Now I know why sometimes you thought I were abnormal eventhough I know I am normal. I know you always have doubt about me. 

Now I know that you were hoping that I am in the same situation as you. You thought I have the same problem like you. You thought that i were hiding the truth just like you are but sorry to burst your bubble, but I am normal and do not have the same problem as you. Eventhough I’m not sure when did all this start, but I know that it is true and I’m not sure how many people know about it. Looking on your situation, now I can understand all the sudden change in you. I know you don’t want people to know about your ‘small’ secret so don’t worry I will not tell anyone and i might pretend in front of you as if i don't know anything. 

Misunderstanding

Why is it so easy for people to misunderstand whatever we do? Whenever we try to enjoy and be friendly, people will think different things about it. They will think that we are up to something. Can't they just take it as it is? Can't they just believe that we do something simply because we like to do it not because we plotting something behind it? Sometimes life can really be confusing and complicated. Even the simplest thing can be made complicated in the eyes of people. I wonder will there be a time where this things won't happen.

Special days

Everyday suppose to be a special and unique. Life will be boring if everyday are the same. That’s why sometimes even trial and hardship in life can come in handy to make us go through something that is different and it also make happy things even better. Can u imagine yourself going through life where everyday you do the same thing all over again? No matter studying or working, sometimes we will get bored doing the same routine life where we will go class or work at a scheduled time. 

For me, I realized the boringness of this working life when I we doing practical where my time is fully scheduled for the weekdays. Using the bus in Kuala Lumpur during practical did not help to release my boredom because I had to wake up at 5.30am for 8.30am work and reach home only at 9pm. Once in awhile we should do something extra ordinary so that we all will remember it. Memories are extremely important especially with someone we are close to. 

One of the special memories that I just gained is when I went to Rancang Waterfall with my friends few days ago. It is very important and special because the time for us to be together is limited while we are still in unimas. How I wish that everyday would be special like that.. Of course if we go Rancang Waterfall everyday we will get bored. It is just an hope that we would be able to enjoy ourself like that everyday like that day. I just can’t wait to go for another trip with friends like it.

Nobody is perfect

I have a very simple believe which is that nobody is perfect. For me, perfection can be split into 5 categories which are attitude, wealth, health, relationship and also physical appearance. Relationship category includes close relation with us such as family and friends. I don’t believe that there is anyone who is perfect in all this categories because perfection in one of the categories may lead to imperfection in another category. For example, having too much wealth can lead to attitude problem or relationship problem. Sometimes, even imperfection in one of the categories may lead to extra imperfection in another such as attitude problem may lead to relationship problem. We can control some of the categories to be perfect but we could not control some of it. This is why it is impossible to be perfect. 

I am who i am

I am who I am and I can’t change it.. I could not change myself even if try to. I did try to change myself before because I know my own weakness but I could not make it last long cause I could not bear it.. Even if I succeed to change myself, sooner or later, the real me will just come out because it is not me. Someday you might find this thing out that but it is not now for sure and I hope it is not too late at that time. 

For now, I could only try not to go overboard and control myself but still sometimes, somehow I will accidently do or say what I should not and this hurts your feelings and I’m sorry about that. I just act as if I didn’t notice it when I hurt your feeling but actually I do. It is so obvious that you still keep in your heart what I did before because I noticed that your attitude towards me is different compare to last time. Couldn’t you forgive me sometimes? And sometimes i irritate you when i care too much about you. I know this thing also but it is who i am and I could not pretend as if i don't care when i know something is wrong.

I know I got a lot of weaknesses and who doesn’t have 1? I know I’m not a sweet talker, so I could not sweet talk you to forgive me. So, I could only leave hope to the time to heal the wound eventhough I know it is not the right way it suppose to be. I want to keep quiet until you cool down yourself because I am afraid that I would make things even worst by saying something that I should not. But sometimes leaving it just like that is what makes things even worst.

It returns..

I thought my life was just going along well until something happen recently. Something has come back hunting me again from my past. The thing has come back again after it has hibernated for a long time. I thought I have forgotten about it and it would not be a matter for me anymore. But I just realize that I still haven’t really forgotten about it. Why do I still remember it? I thought it was over and the case is closed.  

So have I been lying to myself all this time when I thought it is no longer a matter? If I were not lying to myself, then why does that small thing affect me so much? It shouldn’t have caused me affected me so much if I really have forgotten about it since I know it is nothing and the issue is just a small thing. So it looks like I were really were lying to myself all along. Maybe I might be able to forget it fully some day, but today is just not that day. How I wish it will be very soon so that the pain and agony will just go away.  

Why..?

An angel appeared before me one day,

It opened a door of hope eventhough I  did not pray.

It let me see the happiness that can be gained at the other side,

But it would not let me pass through the door of light.

The door is closing slowly as time passes by,

Until I could not even see the other side with all my might.

I want to know what have I done to deserve this suffering and pain, 

is there any other way for me to go the other side again?

Thank you very much

Thank you very much for sharing, sharing about me to everyone else, for telling my secrets to everyone else.  I trusted you by telling my secret to you but you didn’t have respect for what I have told you and you tell everyone else about it. You should know that the people you tell about me are also my friends. 

They will tell me or ask me about what you told them. Of course they will since they all are curious to know whether it is true or not and also to know more about it. Even if not, they will tell someone else and that person will come to me. This is what they call chain link. Even if they did not say that you were the one that tell them, I can narrow it down to a very few who could have told because not many people know about me. 

I’m not sure whether you are the one who told to all the people or not but I know for sure that you are the one who told few of them. I know you have been telling people about me for a long time now but I act as if I didn’t notice. Now i'm even hearing some rumors about me which are not true. I'm not sure whether is that you who spread it or someone else but i will find out about it soon enough.

If I want to, I could tell everyone else about you, since you also have shared with me about your secrets. But I would not do that because I’m not like you and don’t want to be like you. But thanks for letting me know that I could not trust you with any of my secrets. Don’t worry, I would not hold grudge against you, because I know we all are humans and we all have some weaknesses but I know that you can never be trusted with secrets.

Lies...

Some people thinks that it is better to lie rather than telling the truth and hurt people’s feeling but sometimes, it’s not as good as they think. I know sometimes truth hurts, but when we have figured it out that what they were telling was a lie, the disappointment is just unbearable. I have been in so many situations where I have been lied to. 

They think they can get away with the lies. They think they can hide the truth from me but they do not know that there are so many prove of the actual thing. If only they told me truth, I would have understood their situation. They think I would not understand and that is what made me disappointed. For such a long time they know me, they still don’t know me. When they lie to me, it shows that they don’t know and don’t believe me. 

Eventhough I know the truth, I would just pretend as if I don’t know anything and listen to them lying. They think they can get away with the lies but no matter how hard you try to hide the truth, I will find out eventually. So just tell me the truth. For those who think that this is about them, it might be you or it could be someone else. 

Guys and girls are really different

Guys and girls are really different in their behavior and thinking. Guys will find it is hard to understand girls and maybe girls will find it is hard to understand guys but I’m not sure la.. But I know for sure that guys will find it is hard that’s why there is a saying that ‘only a girl can understand a girl’. 

There is a theory where it says that man and woman are different because of the way they live last time. The men will go hunting and woman stay at home caring for their children and collecting food. I have read before in a book where it says that guys are from Mars and girls are from Venus. They also give few examples and i guess it is true. 

Eventhough we are different, we still have to co-exist together because we could not live without each other. Of course we can but what kind of live would it be?

Hiking

I have only go hiking after I came to UNIMAS.  I have never hiked an mountain before this.I have hiked Mount Santubong 3 times and Mount Gading once. My friends and I have reached the top of Mount Santubong all the three times but did not reach the top of Mount Gading eventhough it is shorter than Santubong. This is because we went to Mount Gading for its waterfall not for hiking so we just spend our time there by swimming and not hiking. Compare to Mount Santubong, Mount Gading is really easy and more relax to hike.

I went for hiking each time with different friends except for few friends of mine who likes to hike each time we go. Each time I go hiking, I will feel like i gain a new experience. Maybe it’s because I always go with different people. I would never forget my first time experience of hiking the mount santubong where I did not bring any water and my friends also did not bring sufficient water for themselves. On the way down, I could not even taste the food that I put in my mouth because I don’t even have saliva any more. That’s why we bring extra water for the second and third time we went hiking. At the end of the first time I went hiking, I say to my friends that I would never go hiking in my life again. And then what you know? I went hiking again to the same place for the second and third time and there is a possibility for the fourth time. 

On the second time we went hiking, my friend ask me whether want to go hiking or not end of the year. I told her that I would not say that I will join because if I did, I will surely come again the next month which is before the scheduled time since before this I told people that I would never come again but I did come again the next year. Even when I did not say that I will join, I went hiking for the third time within the same year. Most probably I will go again the next year if everything goes to the plan that my friend make. I wonder who will go with us at that time.

First time hiking Mount Santubong

 

Second time hiking Mount Santubong

Third time hiking Mount Santubong

Graduation

We all still haven't grad, but i become very enthusiasted and made this video clip from most of the pictures we took during our orientations the whole three years. I hope you all will enjoy it.

We all are different

All of us are different and unique, that is what makes us special. There are no people who are same with other people. Even twins are different among each other. Each of us for sure have some characteristic that separates us from other people and make us special. Even if we didn’t realize it, surely people around us would have. If all of us look the same and act same, we will be no different from mere robots. Every people that we see will make us feel like looking at the mirror. 

Some of us are kind, nice, polite or hardworking but there are also some who are rude, lazy or annoying. But this is what make us ourself. If you want to meet someone that is just the same with you, just look at the mirror because no one can be more similar to you than that. When there are many different types of people together, life would be more interesting and fun. Life is short, so let’s enjoy it together. 

A secret is a secret

Everyone have secrets which can be small or big. Some people will share their secret with the people they truly trust and some would not even tell a soul. Secret is a matter or information that you don’t want to leak out to anyone and want it to be hidden. All of us surely don’t want to leak out our own secret right... So why do we leak out the secret that people tell us? 

To be honest, I do like to hear people tell me about their own and my friend’s secret, this shows how much they trust me but at the same time I would think that can I trust them with my secrets? They are telling me other people’s secret so surely they can tell other people about my secrets. Will they like it if other people tell their secret to other people? This is why I don’t tell people the secret that I know about other people, because I don’t like people tell my secret to other people as well. 

It would be alright if they tell their friend’s secret to a a person who wouldn’t tell anyone but if it reaches the ears of a busybody or someone who could not keep secret… what could happen? It is hard to find people who are willing to keep only the secrets to themselves only. Sometimes, eventhough we don’t want to leak the secret, but sometimes it will come out of our mouth accidentally, well… we are humans after all so we can do mistake sometimes so it is forgivable. But if these mistakes happen too occasionally, can it be called accident? 

Some of the secrets only affect the owner of the secret but sometimes it could also affect other people. When it involves other people, it would cause a greater damage if it ever leaks out. How much chaos can be caused if all the secrets were to leak out. Think about it…

Memories

In this few years, we have gone through a lot together. Some of us fight each other but it didn’t last long. Which friends never fight between each other? We might have different opinion and thinking but we can still be friends. When we did something together, we will forget our fight, problem and differences. We have made many unforgettable memories in our university life, and I’m sure most of us will cherish and remember this for a long time. From the 1st year when I meet all my university friends till now, every moment has become priceless. I still remember the time that we spend together with our friends.

Surely we will make more new memories in the future but I don’t know whether it will be better than the memories we have already made. I don’t know about others but surely I would not forget all the times we have spend together because the memories are really important for me.

KAYAK

What activity I miss now is kayak. We couldn’t go kayak anymore because only the members of that club are allowed to kayak. How disappointing is this…!? Me and my friends have gone kayak last year few times and we all are eager to go kayak again.

Some of them never kayak and ask us to invite them when can go kayak. Hopefully they will allow us to go kayak again next semester. The times when I go kayak with my friends are still fresh in my mind. The first time I go kayak, the first time I make people fall into the lake (sorry ye.. hehe..), the first time I invite people to do something together and make them wet, the time when I invite people to go kayak but did not happen because the equipments were locked, the time when we get mudded when want to carry the kayak and also the time when we joined kayak race for faculty days.

This all are priceless memories for me. It can become very tiring or it could be very relaxing. Some of us prefer to race among ourself and chase each other and also sometimes we prefer to just relax in the middle of the lake and have a chat. I still remember my friends and I waited for the bridge to be finished so that they will allow us to kayak. Upon the completion of the bridge, we did kayak for few times, but it did not last long because of the new rule where it is only for the members. Will these precious time will come back..?

Time is passing by

2 and a half year have passed by and leaving us with only half more years. Am I the only one that realizes these or it is just that no one cares about this matter? What am I talking about? All my coursemates surely knows that I am talking about our university life. Some of my friends don’t like the university life and I don’t know why.

Maybe it is because they miss their hometown and family. Or it could be that the life here is quite hard for them because of the food, exam and assignments. They say they can’t wait for the university life to over and go back home. Every semester they go back home early and don’t want to enjoy with friends here. As the saying goes ‘no pain no gain’, we have to endure the suffering to get the happiness.

Don’t they realize that after this university life is working life? Do they think it is easy? In my opinion, university life can be made as our best time of life. This is the time we should enjoy, surely not to forget the main purpose to enter university which is to study. But surely study won’t take all of our time in university. I tried to enjoy to the maximum with my friends for most of the things they invite me to join them such going for hiking, swimming, picnic and also go to friend’s house for Hari Raya. Ya, I know all this are small and common things, but this is the things that we will remember and cherish in the future after we are graduated and become old someday. It is no use if we regret in future. It is not like we have the power to go back to time.

After half more years we might not even see each other, so why don’t we all enjoy and cherish the remaining time we are together. Don’t forget some of us are from west and some of us are from east. It’s not like we can drive or walk to other side. We might only able to meet each other accidently someday.

I did thought that maybe someday we can make reunion so that all of us can meet again in the future but would everyone give the support? I have a big doubt that all of them will give support. Some of them might just don’t want and maybe some of them just too busy with their work. Nobody knows what going to happen in the future. Surely someone in other place also has the same or almost similar feeling that I have now for the same issue or maybe for something else and if you do, please share it.